Snow Sucks!

Before I left for my Stockholm- New York trip, I was actually quite excited. I like going to the US, and god knows it likes me, since every time I go there I practically prop up its economy with all my shopping.

I'd never been on the route, and despite it being the dead of winter, I thought, Hey! I've never seen snow in my life (dirty ice on the ground in Shanghai does not count), it could be kinda fun.

Except it's not. Snow sucks. I mean it's nice to see it falling, preferably on the TV, a bit more so when you're nicely warm indoors watching it fall, and not at all when you're actually outside freezing and wondering why the fucking snowflakes aren't showing up on your iPhone camera.

I finally realised that snow is nature's way of telling you to Stay the Fuck Indoors and Don't Go Out You Moron. It's gotta be below zero to have snow. And that's not counting the Wind Chill Factor. So even if you're all nicely wrapped up the moment you go outdoors you realise you haven't wrapped some important bits. Like your ears.

We went to an outlet mall in New Jersey. I mean I was told it was an outlet mall which means mega shopping but also means indoors shopping but boy was I mistaken. It was laid out in a faux-village scenario, I don't know why the Americans (and the British) like to indulge in this type of fakery. I mean you could have all the brands in one big warehouse and all I'd care was IS IT HEATED?

As it were, this is what I did before we got out of the car:

1. Put on scarf
2. Put on gloves
3. Put on jacket

Then this is what i did when I got out of car:

1. Complain cold
2. Can't feel ears
3. Toes going numb
4. Need to buy thick woolen socks
5. Balls shrinking beyond limits
6. Need to buy whatchamacallit ugly no brand thermal underwear

This is what I did when I entered a shop:

1. Take off scarf
2. Take off gloves
3. Take everything off if I had to try on clothes. So there goes the painfully thin shirt, and the cashmere sweater the shoesies etc.
   

And this is what I did when I left

1. Repeat first para.
   

Needless to say, I didn't feel like trying on very many clothes. It's barbaric, really, how can people live like this? And yet they do. Triumph of the human spirit or some such thing.

Me, I'll stick to sunshine and rain. Malaysia is best! I don't want to wake up and have to plow 6 inches of snow from my sidewalk just to reach my car, and then wipe off another 6 inches from the windows just to get it started.

And I can't wait ti get back and see my baby and have KFC. The fried chicken withdrawal symptoms is making me damn irritable.

Ad-d-d-d-dicted?

Well, it's comforting to know some people still remember me.

I've been tagged to do a meme by Janvier, and since it's wayyy too early in the morning, and since there's a queue on the World of Warcraft server that's 180 people long (more on this bit of geekery later) I thought, why not?

And then, I stared at my browser, trying to recall how to post on my blog. Seriously. Like, for a minute.

My poor blog isn't even on my bookmarks anymore. I mean, it's a relatively new MacBook Pro (not new new, you know?) and the only things I have bookmarked on it are, in no particular order, porn torrent sites, comic torrent sites, and music/tv/movie torrent sites.

Okay so I'm a big pirate whore, I'll admit.

Anyway on to the addictions!

1. The Internet Is For Porn: No surprises here. I will actually get withdrawal symptoms if I'm not connected for more than, oh, a day. Actually, the addiction goes way deeper than that-- I don't actually NEED to be on the net, but I absolutely need to know that I CAN be connected to the net. I've actually refused flights to places where I know internet connection can be shitty (I'm looking at you, Tashkent). God knows how much I've spent on hotel in-room internet connections, but seeing all that porn comic music information, shall we say, on my hard drive makes me feel all warm and glowy inside.
2. World of Warcraft: Sometimes, I rue the day when my friends roped me into this evil game from Planet Evil. Then they tell me to stop qqing and heal, dammit, the tank's dying! And I do it. And I love it. And a small part of me that's yet pure, and untainted by the corruption of WoW screams in the depths of my soul. And then the real me squashes it with his thumb and laughs. Evilly, of course.
3. Buying books: Not reading, mind, buying. I have more books than I have space to put them in. I read about half of them, and then they're consigned forever to the purgatory that's in-between-the-bed-and-the-wall-where-the-Bf-can't-see-how-much-I've-wasted-on-books-I-promised-to-read-but-never-do-and-see-how-much-you've-wasted-how-are-we-ever-going-to-go-on-holiday-if-you-keep-it-up-omg-I-can't-even-walk-here-anymore
4. KFC: Why oh why can't Malaysian KFC be bland like the British? Or just so-so tasting like the American ones? Or less oily like the Taiwanese? Or downright unrecognisable like the one in Singapore? But noooo Malaysian KFC has to be the best in the world. Hot and Spicy is like....ZOMG better than sex I've had with certain guys I've dated. And they weren't necessarily bad. And now I'm fat, thanks to Evil KFC, also from Planet Evil.
5. Mario Maurer: See below.
   

Filling In The Blanks

I must warn you, this post is entirely Mario-free. Well, not entirely since I just mentioned his name. But--yeah. If I mention it anymore I might as well rename this blog Confessions of a Mario Junkie and be done with it. Dammit I mentioned him again!

Aaanyway...

I can't believe it's been ten months since I stopped blogging. And I can't believe that people still do take the time to read crap about my life and thoughts. After blogging religiously for almost 2 years, I guess, perhaps it was time to do something else.

Enter World of Warcraft, another "thing" I've been doing religiously for about two years, too. To give you an idea of how much of my life I've devoted to this obscenely, insanely, addictive game, here's a sample character:

"Boo!"

She is a Warlock, and that blueberry thingy behind her is her demonic minion. That's right, she commands demons even though she looks like a dumb, er, redhead. Just one of 3 characters which I've brought up to the maximum level allowed in the game. And there's even a little game mechanic to tell you exactly how much time you've spent logged on to each character, down to the last second.

I have spent a total of 70 days and 11 hours on just these three toons. This doesn't include a few other toons I have spent even more hours, if not days, with. These are days as in, 24-hour-period-kind-of-days we're talking about. It is as if I've spent more than TWO whole months doing nothing but playing WoW continuously at my computer, not eating, not sleeping, not even shitting. And most certainly not having sex. Essentially, I've been throwing away more than a month every year I've been involved in this game.

70 fucking days, oh my god. I can't say it's been all bad, of course. In fact, I've made some friends online in places I never dreamed of because of this game, and it's given me something to do online during those long lonely nights when I'm away from my baby.

Well, something else to do online anyway.

To say that it's addictive would be kind of an understatement, I guess. There's always new places to explore, new bosses to fight, new achievements to unlock. And because you're playing with friends, it becomes a very social thing as well. If course, since I've started, it's actually become sort of the only thing we talk about, even when we meet up in real life.

You can tell when i started playing WoW. That's when my posts became gradually less frequent, and the quality more sloppy. Just like this one.

What about The BF, you may ask. Well, in the beginning before we moved in, he must have suspected I was rushing back home to see my other boyfriend (it's actually girlfriends, darling, demon-summoning girlfriends)-- that was before I got him his own account and now he's the one asking me to hurry up and finish my dinner so we can go home and log on.

We now have to work our sex life around raids. Yes, the reality's just as sad as it sounds.

The new expansion for WoW is only 2 months away. And-- wonder of wonders-- I've grown somewhat bored with the game. Yesterday was the first day in god knows how long that I did not log on to WoW and spend time with my (virtual) girlfriends. It's inevitable that I'll be sucked back into the game when it's here. But for now, maybe it's time to give a little love to something which has made me a lot more friends, also from places I never imagined-- my dear Confetti In the Wind.

Oh what the fuck here's another pic of Mario. Last one I promise!

"First, kiss me here, then feel free to work your way down..."

The Obsession Continues

The BF finally did read my blog post (thanks to all you loudmouth bitches, you know who you are), and I must say, it went rather well. I mean, lots of people go through life with just one eye, and the doctor says I may be able to have bowel movements anyday now, only that I may need a nurse for the rest of my life.

A Nurse Mario. Oh yeah.

I couldn't find a nurse's uniform, but really Mario in anything (or better still, nothing) will do

I know, I'm such a sucker for punishment.

Things you may not have known about Love of Siam:

Mario was 17 and Pitch 16 when the movie was made in December 2006 to capture the authentic Christmas mood in Siam Square. I know this for a fact because Mario does not have any hair on his legs in the movie. Ref: recent pic in last post.

The soundtrack for the movie is sold out across Thailand. Even online sites don't carry it anymore. And don't ask me how I know it's not on eBay either, because I did not bid on a LOS soundtrack that wasn't up for bidding (dammit). I don't understand how cds can be "sold out". Isn't it like, easier than printing money when there's a ready market of lusty gay boys waiting to sing along to Gan Lae Gan? Even if the market seems to be just me?

He has a hiphop album which he stars with his elder brother, Marco. It's called PsyCho and Li'l Mario: Dem Crazy Boyz. Love the inclusion of "z" in Dem Crazy boyz. Lovez it. It features stellar track titles like "Say Ganja", "Stinchy (sic) Pimp" and probably my favourite, "Get the F*** Off My Way" because that's what i say to dem carz blocking my roadz everydayz?

This cd, u can be assured, is very much in stock. Stockz.

I wouldn't say the album's bad, from what little I've heard of it. It's just totally not my style. Marco seems to be actually quite talented, but perhaps he should lay off the muthaf***ers and the ho's and the bitches and the pussies and the entire part about being born in the ghetto. A ghetto. Really, you Maurers would know a ghetto if it peed on your shoes, would you? 

Poor Mario doesn't seem to fare too well in the rapping department, but boy is he earnest. Just watch this interview he did with a morning talk show called, er...Happy Morning. The action begins about 2 minutes in, and the host must have been heavily sedated or coked up to her eyeballs because that was frankly the worst rap I've ever been subjected to in my life and she listened to the whole thing unflinchingly. Even I, the self-styled Biggest Mario Maurer Fan In The World (TM), had to watch it at least 5 times because I kept pausing it while giggling like mad. I have no idea what she said but perhaps it was the sheer proximity of Mario the God that doubtlessly persuaded her to praise him so effusively. And then give him a plant at the end, which poor Mario quite rightly looks at bewilderedly. Perhaps she was saying "Your rap sucks, have you considered gardening as your day job?" *pushes plant over*

And finally, a sobering note: Poor Mario's dad passed away in June...at the age of seventy *Raises eyebrows*. Nevertheless we have much to thank dear departed Maurer Snr, and not just for his superb DNA. Apparently, it was his dad who convinced Mario to take the role of Tong despite the controversial kissing scene. "It's just a job," dear old daddy said. 

By the way, Mario if you read this boy do I have a job for you!

P/S Okay darling if you're reading this you're still my best baby ever don't lock me up no more please I swear to be good put that knife down

The Love of Siam (And Their Schoolboys)

No, I'm not dead yet. I offer no excuses because there isn't any. But the urge to blog has never been so strong, and I may possibly lose my life after this post (more on that later), so let's make it count.

I've just watched The Love of Siam which I don't suppose needs any further introduction since it's been circulating amongst the gay community for almost a year now. I can't believe it took me so long to get to know this guy, but thanks to Ed and another Thai movie marathon with the girls, I'm finally brought up to speed.

Yes, and then just go ahead and lift them, right above your head...

For the uninitiated, his name's Mario Maurer, and he's simply the most beautiful thing on the planet. You understand The BF will kill me after stating this in public no less so you appreciate the gravity of the statement, no?

It's probably the perfect storm combination of watching his role in this movie as the perennially bewildered Tong. He appears in school uniform 99% of the time (bless you Thai high schools and bless those shorts you make them wear), his hair close-cropped with a hint of brown, belying his German-Thai heritage and making his very ordinary movie parents very implausible indeed.

The movie is essentially a pretty well-done coming-of-age story about Mew, a sensitive singer-songwriter in a high school boy band, and Tong who has, to put it mildly, family issues and their journey to overcome grief, overprotective mothers and grabby girlfriends. There are other subplots in there, but they're all about girls and/or alcoholic fathers so they shall not be mentioned henceforth.

The scene which touched me the most was when young Tong's family decides to move away after having lost his sister in a jungle in Chiang Mai (note: never go hiking in Chiang Mai-- your family may decide to move away in case you actually do make it back). At first Mew is strangely unmoved by this announcement, even unemotional but as Tong's car pulls away there's a shot of him wiping his eyes on his sleeve. That actually spoke much louder than any words could have. Somewhat simultaneously, the young boys are introduced to their first losses in life.

Through a stroke of fate that only happens in movies, their paths cross five years later when Tong has suddenly become very, very hot, (and very, very half-German) and Mew is a budding recording artiste. They meet in Siam Square when Tong wants to buy his band's EP which was sold out. Cheeky Mew offers to make a bootleg copy of it as an excuse to get Tong's number--which I don't blame him. Anything that hot that walks on two legs should immediately be contactable. Physically contactable, if you know what I mean.

To be fair, Mew, played by Witwisit Hiranyawongkul (whose nickname by the way, is Pitch. Don't ask me how Thais give their kids nicknames that have nothing to do with their real ones) is no chopped liver himself. In fact, his portrayal of a sad, lonely boy who loses almost everyone he's ever loved is spot-on. Unfortunately, next to Mario The God, the phrase pales in comparison has never been more apt.

Mew: Why isn't this shot centered on both of us? Tong: Because I'M the hot one in this relationship, darling.

And so it begins, the sweetest and most pure love story I have seen. It goes to show that gay cinema does not need to have much angst, much tears, much shouting (although inevitably there's some in the movie) and most importantly, only one kissing scene to touch my heart (and other places...) in ways I never thought possible.

The movie seems to have a lot of messages, and in fact manages to carry it off very well. The underlying theme is, of course, love. Not just romantic love, but between a son and a mother, a grandmother and her grandson and also between friends. In fact if they threw in a pet dog it'd have been just overkill.

Unfortunately, love can also be the knife that twists relentlessly, endlessly, as demonstrated by Tong's mom after she witnesses her son playing swap the saliva with the next-door-kid (rookie mistake guys, but next time try not to kiss on your mom's front lawn, yeah?). She then meets with Mew and pressures him to end the relationship.

"Do it for Tong," she says. "It doesn't matter what kind of love you have for him, you should want to ensure he is happy and that he has a good life."

And then of course, he starts avoiding Tong, thinking he's such a martyr and all. Fool!!! We all shrieked as one in my living room. She's just being a selfish bitch who thinks mummy knows best! Ignore her!!! Cue Tong calling for Mew outside the latter's house in the middle of the night in his school shorts. I mean if it was me, I don't care what your momma said, I'd be chewing them shorts off with my teeth.

There are so many touching (ahem) scenes, it would be hard to describe them all. The first time Mew confesses his loneliness to Tong, which is a cue for Tong to gather him in his arms, of course. Then there's the part where Tong and his mom are decorating the Christmas tree, and Tong is torn between a Santa and Santarina ornament, telling his mom that if she dislikes his choice, she would be upset again. What a fucking clever way to discuss sexuality with your mom. Ed immediately declared he'd be showing his mom a Ken and Barbie doll the next time he went back to his hometown.

Then there's the controversial last scene between Mew and Tong. Mew's face is full of hope and expectation when he asks Tong what he thinks of the song he has just sung (and in fact, wrote) for him. The last time he asked this, he got a tongueful of Tong, so of course he's hoping he'll get lucky again.

Inexplicably, Tong says "I can't be your boyfriend, but that doesn't mean I don't love you."

Even more inexplicably, Mew seems to accept this statement with utter equanimity, even going so far as to thank Tong, whereupon he receives a Christmas gift from Tong of-- a bright red wooden butt plug/lollypop thingy.

I guess Tong just wants to remain fuckbuddies, then?

No, it's the last piece of a toy puzzle that Tong gave him so many years ago when they were just boys. Aww! How sweet! And how fucking unsatisfying!

Of course all of us were rooting for more Mew-on-Tong (or vice-versa) action but I guess just one kiss and no nudies was written in their contract. Oh well, here's hoping for a sequel.

By the way, it wasn't just one kiss, of course...

Wingedman: The Return

There's a message every In-flight Supervisor has to say whenever an aircraft lands in Kuala Lumpur from anywhere outside the country.

No matter if you've been somewhere as near as Singapore or as far away as Buenos Aires, it never fails to warm the cockles of my bitchy, cynical heart.

And verily, it doth warmeth this morning when I landed the aircraft (Yes! Me! I do the landings! Sometimes! And good ones too!) after 14 days of being away from home and family and love.

"...dan kepada para warganegara Malaysia, selamat pulang ke tanahair"



Welcome home indeed, my darling iMac. Back to normal, without having to pay a single cent. Not even a raised eyebrow from the technicians. I <3 Apple 4Eva.
"...and to our fellow Malaysians, welcome home."

Altogether now...."awwwwww"

My Phone's A Bitch (But It Takes Okay Pictures)

I just want to say that my handphone is being a bit of a bitch. Well, actually being a lot of a bitch, considering that it refuses to inform me whenever I have a new message. No beep, no ringtone (that I painstakingly edited from my favourite Jay Chou song), not even a message on the main screen. Only when i'm checking my message inbox do I discover that I've had 8 unread messages, 3 of them from my bf asking why the hell am I not answering him.

So yeah, it's being a bitch, and I'm never ever going to buy any Nokia N-Series as long as they insist on using the nightmare of a UI that is Symbian. It's slow. It's interface is as boring as lesbian sex (sorry, lesbians). To paraphrase Samuel L. Jackson in 1408-- It's just an evil fucking system. Not to mention it's as sexy as a lump of coal (It's black. That's it.) and weighs as much as one.

So why did I buy it? Well it seemed a good idea at the time. It had 3G (which I could never get the video call working) It was one of the first phones to have built-in wi-fi. And of course, the only saving grace: it's 3-megapixel camera.

I managed to dig up some pics I took with the camera over the 20-odd months I've had it. Only fitting to give it sort of a send-off before it's permanently retired.
I think this was taken in Sg. Wang. I don't remember the watch, but it obviously appeals to a very niche market.

This one is just plain wrong. What do cuddly bears who shoot magic out of their tummies have to do with Chinese New Year? Oh well, don't complain, it's still money. The circumstances surrounding my getting this angpow makes for quite a story in itself. Suffice to say I was given this highly incongruous red packet while shopping in the Louis Vuitton store in Starhill. Now if that isn't surreal or what?

No, your eyes aren't deceiving you. No, I don't know what it is. It's fascinating though, in a kinda disturbing way. Found it at the Sex Museum in Amsterdam.

Isn't this the perfect compliment to the above picture? I'll leave you guys to guess as to what it actually is-- if you want hints go ask weeshiong.

Au revoir, Nokia N80. Thou shalt not be missed.

Don't Cry For Me...

Ok I've been trying to blog about my trip for the past one week and I've always come up against a wall. So I'm going to use the Blogger's Last Resort To Blogging-- the ever-dependable point form.

• Getting to Buenos Aires is a PITA, and I don't mean the bread. To get here from KL, one must first fly to Johannesburg (11 hours), then Capetown (1.5 hours) and then to Buenos Aires (8.5 hours). This is the fate that shall befall Mummy Dearest as I ship her back from BA all the way to KL as I stay back in Johannesburg for the return leg. 1 1/2 weeks without even thinking of touching myself is quite enough, methinks.
• It's official: Duff was right-- Latinos are the hottest race on the planet. It helps that Argentina is the only Latin American country to legalise same-sex marriage despite being staunchly Roman Catholic. Hot men do roam the streets in mesh clothing, showing off their perfectly formed abs with skin the color of dulce de leche. Rawwrr.
• Unfortunately, man-hunting tends to be limited with Mummy Dearest tagging along. Eyes Forward Always is my motto.
  
• The hotel is one of the nicest I've ever stayed. Free wifi already lets it get my vote, but what really made me drop my pants and bend over was the jacuzzi in the bathroom.
  
• A cow's revenge was nearly the end of me. I've been hearing nothing but raves about the quality of meat here, especially Argentinian beef, cooked Asada style-- fancy way of grilling as you can see from the unfortunately spreadeagled pigs in the picture. In my Supreme Brilliance I ordered a 600g steak medium rare, despite never even touching the things when I'm in KL. But it was cheap, about RM65 only, so I decided, Why not? Cheap Means Must Buy is the unofficial Malaysian Chinese motto isn't it? Or is that just the whore in me?
  

Scotty wondered if the transporter was working properly...

• Boy was I in for a shock when the monster of a steak landed on my plate. It was as big as the plate itself, and about 3 inches thick. I don't know what scales they used but it sure as hell wasn't 600g. I'm only exaggerating slightly I swear. Despite skipping lunch that day, I just couldn't put away so much dead cow. I had to abandon a huge part of it, which sat on my plate, bleeding maliciously at me. I died for you, and you don't even have the decency to finish me off?
• Well I was never really good at deep-throating thick pieces of meat anyway. But at least I can say I tried.
  
• Ice creams here are made of milk so full-bodied they practically dive down your throat. No such nonsense as low-fat or vegetable oil here--which is the way I like it. I've never eaten creamier, fattier goo in my life-- and I've eaten a lot of white (and assorted coloured) goo along the way.
• Spending time with Mummy Dearest is precious, seeing as she's pushing 70 now and who knows what may happen in the future-- but I've not slept on the same bed with her since I was SEVEN. I do want to foster close relations but this is quite ridiculous. What does one do when MD starts snoring? You can't poke her like you can your bf.
  
• I'm missing a certain someone's goo, that's for sure. Only one more week till the cow comes home, honey!

Ah! Gay Paree!

Warning: Not very safe for work. Safe for cursory glances but nothing more.

I'm hearing a lot about Paris lately. How the LV there is cheaper. How romantic it is when the Eiffel Tower lights up at night (although in summer, it may be 10.pm. before it actually get dark enough for it to be lit).

And now, rugby lads doing unimaginable things with each other. Look where their hands are going, my god!

For a strange reason, Referee Guillaume wondered if he was in the right stadium after all

If this is how they play rugby, where do I sign up for lessons?

Rant, Rant, Rave

Tonight's my last night in KL before leaving on a long, two week working trip--with my mom. Yeah, she'll be following me around, enjoying the sights and sounds of the Southern hemisphere.

I don't know why I don't feel like sleeping even when I have trouble keeping my eyes open. It's not like I'm going somewhere for months. It's not like I haven't been away from him before.

Still, two weeks is a long time to be away from my baby. I think it's going to be the longest we're going to be apart. When he reminded me that I'll be away for almost half a month I really felt a sinking feeling inside me. Two weeks without sex! And in the same hotel room as my mom! That's like the utter opposite of sex, if there's such a thing.

Lack of sex is one thing, but I'll actually, physically, miss him. I'll miss rubbing his skin, poking his sides, playing with the hair on his legs, biting his knuckles, nipping his ears, etc etc. I have literally dozens of ways to make him ticklish-- and he's damn ticklish everywhere, basically.

Tonight I teased him that he's being too hung up over my trip. He's been whining about it to whoever'll listen. He's been busy planning his days and weekends to keep himself occupied since I'm not around. And all this while I'm the one who's even more hung up about missing him. I won't have my friends around to distract me. I won't have Raya open houses to go to, or Beyonce's Jakarta concert to attend.

Well, at least I have my mom. My oldest and best girlfriend? Perhaps it's time for some good old-fashioned mother-daughter bonding over shopping in Buenos Aires.

One small problem.

Dear god, how shall I hide my morning wood for two weeks?!

Revelation

I'm sure everyone's heard about it by now, and let's all keep in mind that these are fictional characters, but this is it.

DUMBLEDORE IS GAY!!

It's definitely canon. The great Joanne K. said so herself to loud applause in New York. I'm sure nobody expected it. It's such a stunning, shocking, scandalous, revelatory statement. I really respect J.K. all the more for revealing this. Thanks to Youngwolf2k for highlighting this to me just moments ago.

Were all the signs there for us to see? I'm personally glad that they weren't. It's so good to have a positive character who's such a big influence in the series, be gay without being overtly so. It's a children's book after all-- I certainly wouldn't want to be the parent to explain to the child why "Dumbledore tried to kiss Grindelwald but then got gay-bashed".

Although personally, if I was Albus, I'd have given Oliver Wood some very private, very personal lessons. Once he turns 16, of course.

Now I can't wait for the movie version of "Deathly Hallows". And see who's going to play the young Albus Dumbledore.

So what's next? Or rather, who next shall be outed? I refuse to believe there isn't one in Harry's year. Personally I'm betting on this being her next book: Minerva McGonagall and Dolores Umbridge: The Secret Love-Hate Lesbian Relationship Revealed.

Computer Catastrophe

It's a miserable life, if you happen to be one of Wingedman's computers.

First, thieves break into The BF's apartment and make away with my old, venerable Compaq laptop, the first I've ever owned, and which I spent a full year paying on instalments waaay back when I was a Second Officer. It had no battery, nor a working disc drive, not even Wi-fi (gasp!) but it was the only portable thing they took. They even overlooked The BF's ipod nano which was in plain sight but instead took his gym bag--to store the laptop in, presumably.

I hope the fucking thieves pull a muscle lugging it around. It weighed a massive 2.7kgs, a fact that I was acutely reminded of everytime I had to change aircrafts (up to three times a day) back when i was flying domestic. Still, it kept me company on those long, lonely nights when I had neither BF nor World of Warcraft.

Ever since I got my Vaio, it was banished to The BF's place, mainly for him to do his office work and...well, just his office work. And that's before he changed jobs. So by the time they got their grubby paws on it, it was relegated to merely being a very expensive paperweight sitting on the coffee table gathering dust.

Then, a week later, lightning struck. Literally. On Tuesday as I was happily having Roti Bakar with Weeshiong, somewhere at home, there was a flash of light, and my not-yet-three-months-old iMac died a premature death. A fact that I didn't find out until I reached home later that night.

Normally, a touch of my mouse and the 24-inch screen would come to life, luminously, in all it's glory. Except that it didn't. No matter how much I tapped it's fantastically-flat aluminium-hewn keyboard, or frantically pushed the one and only button on the thing, all it did was mock me with it's dead, black screen.

DEAD! BLACK! SCREEN!

Okay, so it's my fault that I left it on to download porn while I went off shopping. And it's my fault that it's the third time it's happened. In fact, it's like a ritual of passage that all my computers have to go through--- being zapped by lightning while, incidentally, downloading porn. Do you think it's some kind of sign?

The first time was with the aforementioned Compaq. Replacing the motherboard cost me almost 900 bucks even though it was under warranty. Apparently, lightning strikes come under "Acts of God" and aren't covered. And also, telling them that you're Buddhist and thus don't come under that particular jurisdiction just gets the phone slammed down on you.

The second time was with my Vaio. Thankfully, the adaptor made the ultimate sacrifice to save itself before the current could overload the laptop. However, nothing with the word Sony stamped on it comes cheap, and forked out nearly RM300 for a replacement adaptor.

Now god knows how much I'd have to pay for the iMac. All the electronic components are packed so tightly I don't know what else is fried. And should the technician get it working, I guarantee the first thing he'd notice is how the desktop is filled with files with names like Danny Gets Fucked.torrent or Bareback Cum Gushers.avi

Oh well. Let's hope he's a cute technician. There has to be some silver lining among all these disasters. Besides the fact that a God that I technically don't believe in is trying to tell me something.